I think this will be my fiction place.  I have a very very difficult time tapping into my creativity.  I have locked it up for some reason so what comes out here is going to probably really suck at first as I strive to develop things, but hopefully, it’ll get better.

I have an idea..it’s a glimmer that comes and goes.  How do most of you do it?  Do you think of a setting first, or characters or the story line? 

This time around, I have thought of characters but what I’m going to have them doing is …well, beyond me at this point.

We have Jessica, who is an orphan child of blue collar workers.  We have Mitch, a firefighter, who is in love with her.  They get married, have a child, get divorced with Mitch taking the child with him.  Mitch then meets and falls in love with Jill and they go on to have a large family and whatnot.

That’s all I’ve got so far, but it’s better than I’ve ever had before.




I thought I’d write over here since not too many people know about it. 

We went to Talladega this weekend and it was a good weekend..it really was.

However, it did bring to light a few things in observing my one son…the 20 year old.

I wrote about him a while ago on the other blog.  When he was 9 or so, he was diagnosed with a psychosis..of an unnamed variety.  Since schizophrenia is so very rare in children, it’s tough to make a diagnosis.  I’ve always wondered and now that he’s getting older…into the late teens and early 20’s, I’ve definitely seen an increase in the level of his symptoms.

I was hoping it wouldn’t progress, but apparently it has.  Now it’s time to search for a doctor..and I have a hard time with psychiatrists.  He seriously needs counseling too, but he won’t talk to anybody but the people he trusts which at this point is me and his dad.  I’m grateful for that.

We told him to go on and quit his job this weekend, because the stress of it..working nights and being off cycle with the rest of the family is really exaggerating things.

You know, sometimes I could just sit down and cry…I am so tired.  Raising these stepkids of mine has really burned me out.  I can never ever let my guard down …it’s part of being a caregiver.  But, I am tired.

I’ll feel better when we are able to be more proactive about it.  I’m going to talk to him tomorrow morning when he gets home from work maybe.  He likes hanging out with me which is very cool.  I’ll make him some breakfast and we’ll make a plan.



And everything changes on ya.  I just got back from a trip to Texas.  It doesn’t go down as the funnest trip but it was productive, and that is what counts in the long run.

There are some issues with an ex husband and my nieces are just wrought, is the right word..is the real bottom line.  I’m just glad to be in the loop.

I love the senior chief’s women, though.  My mother in law got a little ornery this time and I was so glad to see it.  She’s been..well, sad..since my father in law died.  We’re all sad, but married for 63 years kind of sad, is just different, I don’t care who ya are.  I got there before their anniversary, which was on a Sunday and we were all at church.  That always makes her feel so good, and it makes me feel good to make her feel good..ya know?

She’s tough, though…she grades me as a mom and a housekeeper, and how organized I am and how I take care of my man and all that honey.  And she’s a tough taskmaster.  She threw down my next challenge and I am grateful to her..I honestly do not understand the rebellion of the sixties after having spent time with women of the greatest generation.  All those women I know..they don’t fuss and get all worked up about crap..they just do what needs to be done and that’s how it was.  They didn’t bitch and whine about stuff.  Anyway, my next challenge is to get my degree in finance so the guys don’t have to hire someone for that.  Hey, works for me!

Hey, I’m not saying it was all perfect or anything, but there are some very simple things that were philosohies that hold true and just because you want to make something better doesn’t mean you have to reinvent the wheel right?  I think women tried to reinvent the wheel a little with that whole liberation deal.

I mean, really, what do I need a paycheck for?  If I want to go buy new furniture…I do.  If I want to buy my mother in law a new lawnmower…I do…and myself too for that matter.  (hehe)  Seriously, what is up with that?  Ok..yeah, I’m spoiled now…and always have been in certain aspects, but I was never in it for the paycheck..ya know?  I don’t get that kind of thinking.

The senior chief and I have a unique kind of relationship, I guess.  I am extremely independent…half feral in some ways if you will and he is not going to change that about me…  So, all that’s really left for him to do is equip me with the right tools to get the job done so that God Forbid, something should happen to him..getting my car fixed is not a big deal, getting anything done isn’t a huge deal like it could be.  I know..it sounds absolutely nuts, but hey, the more you know, the more you know.

The senior chief’s women spazzed a little because they wouldn’t know what to do if their car broke like that in the middle or end of a trip.  They were like..Oh my god..this and that and this could have happened..Thank GOD Rick was there.  Shoot…I could have called a tow truck my damn self.  What would I have done 200 miles away.  Gee…am I the only person who thinks about those things?  It would appear so.

I don’t know why..doesn’t matter.  I quit worrying…once… and the senior chief learned a bit of a lesson..I appear to be a worrywart, but I am a very efficient worryer.  I always have a plan and I know what to do when it happens, if it happens.  It doesn’t always happen..but sometimes it does…so better prepared.  It does make me a bit neurotic but those few times that shit HAS happened and I had all the right whatever to deal with it..they let me be.

This weekend is Talladega and it’s going to be a good mix this year.  I’m back to beer again..I did miss beer…maybe it’s the yard work..there is nothing like going out and working up a sweat in the yard and then having a nice cold brewskie as a reward.  I missed beer a lot.  I don’t know what put me off of it for a while..if it was a taste thing or what..but I’m back now.  It’s not like I didn’t try it over the years, but if you’re a beer drinker you know if the first one doesn’t go down nice and smooth, you might as well give it up cuz now you done gone and given yourself an air bubble.

I hope to God I can get a day off after this Talladega stuff.  Man, my mom in law is so very much like my husband..only a gal..it cracks me up.  Getting along with her is rather easy…getting along with Dad was easy too..I just took care of Mom and he was happy.  But, man, she just never rests…always got to be doing something and like the senior chief, it’s always something she needs help with and you are just supposed to know she needs help, and appear to give it.  It drives his sisters and whatnot a little nuts, but not me.  I just appear and give the help she needs and we get along just fine.  She gets to teach me things.

My one sister in law though..does not want her to drive and it’s not because Mom is a bad driver, it’s because Mom is the only parent left and sister doesn’t want to lose her and is overprotective and knows it and has no intention of changing…LOL..

So, I was supposed to offer to drive but me and mom have an understanding.  Halfway to where we were supposed to be, I offered..or let her know I was under orders to offer.  She laughed….and she’s a speed demon, too, let me tell ya.  The only concern I have is with the maintenance of her vehicle.  I’m going to have to stop in with her mechanic and just have him give her a call and bring it in for a once over ever so often..for a while anyway.

I’m pretty much just rambling on at this point.  I do have a couple of funny..sort of kid stories to tell and whatnot…



So a series of unrelated events led to the title question here.  Trust me, this is kind of funny.  I live my life as a sitcom..

Anyway, I am trying to quit smoking yet again.  I am going to try and persist through it but first there were some rules for the senior chief.  Number one..quit smoking out of my pack because I will cheat by smoking out of yours.  I’ll leave mine upstairs and smoke his.  Number one son lost a pack of his in the house the other day and we found it later.  It was new ones.  Oh yeah, you know I smoked them all.  I know, it’s an addiction and hell yeah I act like an addict..sort of when it comes to that.

So, in an attempt to honest up and everything, I gave him the last cigarette out of his pack the next day.  And then, I wrote my name on my cigarettes so I had no excuse for ‘confusing’ our packs and sneaking his.  I know…

So, after the guilt ridden confession to the eldest and whatnot..he picked up my cigarettes and he said..”OMG, Kelly, has it REALLY come to this?”  And I laughed and had to tell him the whole story above..so in a way, yes, but not like he was thinking.  And you know, that’s probably ALL I had to say, but that’s not necessarily true either. 

It really is.  I’m enjoying every second of it, too.  Last night we had yet another birthday party.  It is party season again this year.  Whew.  It was beer for me last night.  It’s been awhile since I’ve drank beer..I had forgotten how it is when they just go down so smooth…

Anyway, number 3 son turned 20.   We grilled some hamburgers and I tried this new baked bean recipe.  And a crowd showed up and made me feel like Jesus again.  I mean, the whole loaves and fishes deal.  Yeah.

And then I walked out in the garage and Michael, who is now ..24 or so…but is always my son just as the rest…anyway, he was out there telling the newcomers they better get their ass in there and get some of those beans because they were so good he wanted to have sex with them.  He didn’t know I was listening and I laughed my ass off.  That was a wierd description…but apt.  There was a lot of flavors in there.  At one point I was just grabbing a little of this and a little of that.  I will never be able to recreate those beans.  They were all on about contests and whatnot..and not the little county ones, they wanted me to go on up to Stone Mountain.  Hey, that’s the big time, ya know?

And with the beans..haha!  There was hamburgers that the senior chief smoked on the grill.  These burgers never touched the flames and cooked real slow.  They were the BOMB!  One kid was looking at them and wondering…why was it pink on the outside and done in the middle.  He was marvelling at that.  ha! 

This morning, though..and we went to bed early last night…but this morning me and the senior chief were both hurting units.  My little ass just went back to bed.  The senior chief, bless him, had to go to work.

However, I just took a look at the bank account and called him and told him that things are just really good, he can just go on and take a day off or two any time he feels like it.  That perked him up a LOT.  Work hard, play hard is good but a body has to rest every now and then.  It’s good to be able to do it..guilt free.

Ok, I don’t usually do tricks on Halloween or April Fool’s jokes, but last night….last night I was drinking beer and talking with a good buddy of mine and he asked me if I’d played a joke and I said no.  He PROMPTLY started giving me shit about it…he said…well, it’s 8:30 honey so you still got time.  I said, Dude, you are so right..but I got something to tell you..pish posh on April Fools.  He, of course, asked what…and I said…Dude..I am pregnant.

There wasn’t no pin dropping.  He was like all…Congratulations, really, but I got a lot of questions.  I said, Honey, you just go on and get it out of your system, then, I’ll shut up a minute and let ya.  And I did.  (giggle)  He was all like…what the hell are you gonna do.  For crying out loud, woman, …etc.

Then I laid the April Fool on him.  Ha!  THAT…was fun. 



Ha!  Remember your eighteenth birthday?  I don’t really remember mine.  Eighteen isn’t all it’s cracked up to be according to most…especially in this day and age.  My son ..number 4 son, but the first one I gave birth to, turned eighteen today.

Bless him, he asked me what time he was born, and I know it was before midnight sometime, but the actual time..no clue.  I was out cold having an operation at the time, so they could have made up a time and I wouldn’t know.  I remember what time I woke up and it was 11:30 pm or so.  I think he was born around 9:30 or so..but hey, I have no clue.

He’s a good kid.  No drinking, smoking, or drugging for this one.  He has straight a’s and is pretty much a goody two shoes.  I’m good with that.  He goes to church, I swear to God, every Sunday, sunday night, and wednesday he can make it.  He loves his family, country, and blah, blah blah…I mean, he’s a good kid.

We got him camping gear..tent, sleeping bag, mess kit..the whole deal because he wants to take a senior trip and hike some of the Appalachian trail before going off to college.  I always get them a really cool graduation gift too.  I don’t reward grades, but after all that hard work, I feel like they deserve something tangible as a present.  He wanted a futon…I told him to choose between a futon and a digital camera to take pictures of his trip on.  THAT messed his head up..haha!

He’s my power ranger kid, my technology kid, as well.  Man that kid knows technology, he was BORN in love with technology…but he wants to be a teacher.  He’s very active and is always on the go.  He’s grown up so much lately…I am so very proud of him, I could burst.  He’s an honor student and has been for his entire school career.  He loves school..thank God..and he loves to learn.

When he was little, the counselor I was taking him to when he first got diagnosed with ADD said to me…Oh my god, that kid has SUCH a gusto for life, it would be such a shame to ever see him lose that….and he hasn’t and the meds didn’t hurt, though he had to take them for a little while…

It’s really hard to believe he’s my first and fourth at the same time.

Happy Birthday sweety.